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Words of Wisdom: Networking & Opinion Leaders

Posted on June 17th, 2015

by Sarah S. Fallaw, Ph.D.

President, Data Points

While going through some training materials in my father's archives this morning, I found a section that defined networkingvia an example geared towards attorneys. Regardless of your industry, it is a great summary for effective business development and was the focus of the book Networking with the Affluent, published this month back in 1993. 

From his workbook:

What is Networking?

Networking is the essence of high-performance marketing. Networking is influencing the people who influence the patronage behavior of dozens, hundreds, even thousands of important prospects.

Ordinary professionals target ordinary prospects. In sharp contrast, extraordinary networkers target prospects who are opinion leaders of major affinity groups. Imagine the impact on the revenue of an ordinary lawyer if he or she is endorsed by the president of a trade association whose members include hundreds of potential clients. It happens.

How does an endorsement of this kind come about? The transformation of an ordinary legal professional into an extraordinary networker begins with targeting. The very best networkers identify and then prospect the advisors and role models of groups of clients.

These opinion leaders have a significant influence on the choice of suppliers, especially lawyers. Hiring providers like attorneys is typically associated with moderate to high risk. Hence, most buyers attempt to reduce this risk by choosing suppliers that opinion leaders endorse.

- Thomas J. Stanley

The Wisdom of Failure

The Wisdom of Failure: Don’t Save it for Graduation Speeches

Teaching kids how to be resilient should be an everyday lesson

Post published by Tamar Chansky Ph.D on Jun 09, 2015 in Worry Wise

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As graduation season soon draws to a close and the caps and gowns are put into cold storage until next year, there’s something else that’s being packed away that our students could desperately benefit from all year long: our willingness to pull back the veil of success to reveal the often messy process that built it— the hitches, glitches, setbacks and outright failures.

Take a quick scan of education in America, and it appears that college graduation speeches are just about the only place it’s safe to talk about failure without it sounding terminal. In wonderful speeches by Oprah(link is external), J.K.Rowling(link is external), and many others— failure is destigmatized. The inevitability of detours or mis-steps are seen as a rite of passage or a badge of courage—an essential growth accelerator on the bumpy road to success rather than something whispered in hushed tones and hidden from public view.

So there’s a disconnect. Step outside of the stadiums and auditoriums where graduations occur to the typical classroom in a landscape dotted by our children’s single point values of SAT scores and GPAs, and failure—even of the very teeniest scale—like guessing at an answer or saying, “I’m sorry I don’t know”— well, this is just not a space young people are willing (or encouraged) to occupy these days. When they do stick their neck out and get something wrong, I’m pretty sure thunderbolts appear and a swat team swoops down —We have a mistake here in Room 212!— leaving kids to swallow their pride along with their erroneously chosen words, and ensuring that as a result of this most unfortunate moment, any college that might be interested in them in the future—whether they are in 5th grade or 12th, will no longer be, or so the chorus of anxious thoughts goes.

There are no bad guys here. I do believe that. But we need to do a re-think as our desire for our children to have a good future has been overtaken by anxiety and a belief that the only way to get there is that every single move they make needs to be right. This is a message that comes through loud and clear: they’ve absorbed it every day.

Throughout their lives, our children have been told that every decision, every grade every extracurricular activity, essentially has to build toward their success— in college and beyond.  Everything counts. The stress and anxiety are a given, settling in like big city smog. There are no mistakes. No good ones anyway. No room for error. Failure is out of the question, and yet so precipitously close. One false move on the tightrope walk through grade school, high school and college and you’re not bouncing back. You’re done.

Then suddenly graduation time comes and the message is—it’s okay to fail. And even fail big—Oprah big.

Since when? Students may ask, confused.

What do we do about this disconnect? If we want students to really understand this image makeover that failure is enjoying—we can’t just bring it out once a year with the pomp and circumstance—or after 12 or 16 years of hearing the polar opposite.  That’s kind of like cramming for a test—the test of life—at graduation, when they could have been studying this particular unit about failure, resiliency and risk taking for years before. Is that really what we want to be encouraging?

Our job is to not wait for graduation to talk about failure and success. It’s a little late then. Rather, we need to be rolling out the red carpet for our kids throughout their education. Making saying “I don’t know” or making mistakes safe. Making “I don’t know for sure” a noble and defendable position.

How do we teach our children about this?

Just like we wouldn’t plunk a dog phobic child down in the middle of a busy dog park, but we’d desensitize slowly starting with the nice puppy safely in the pet shop window, we need to dissect failure—this kind of artisanal failure and find our first step. When we rewind back, we find that the seed of all success or failure is stepping out into uncertainty, saying “I’m not totally sure,” or even simply—“I don’t know.” This is where all great things begin. So it is our tolerance of uncertainty that we need to increase. The possibility of failure is always there and as we are gaining information we will also make mistakes along the way.  Learning is not a one-off. It’s incremental.

One way to teach children the safety of mini-failures is to allow mistakes to enjoy a soft-landing. When kids get things wrong let’s not dismiss or embarrass, but appreciate the effort of going out on a limb. As one teacher in my daughter’s 8th grade class recently said when a student made a gaffe, "Hey—it’s every one’s job here to make this a safe place to learn." Amen.

Another is to turn the whole concept of failure on its head—and take the opportunity to point out not the fault when a mis-step occurs—but the exciting thing that’s about to happen—learning something brand new— and encouraging kids to revel in it!

And… if we are really putting our money where our mouths are about making tiny failures safe, my personal favorite (very nitty gritty) is to teach kids what to say in a moment of uncertainty. To have kids practice and cultivate a repertoire of their signature phrases such as “I’m not sure” or, “I don’t know.” Out loud. Really. Your child may never have uttered those words in a school setting. They can practice saying it many different ways getting more confident with each rehearsal: “You know, I don’t know,” or, “Well, I don’t actually know.”  “That’s one I don’t get.” “I’m not really sure,” or, “I have to admit—I’ve never heard of that—though it sounds like I should and will in a minute.”

We can teach kids to have uncertainty with swagger, with personality, or simply with noshame. Does it mean that you don’t know anything if you admit that you don’t know this one specific thing? No! That’s just the temporary sting of how it feels. But over time of practicing your “I don’t knows” assiduously even the sting goes away. The “I don’t know” becomes that freeing thing that we want failure to be.

Getting comfortable with failure starts with being willing to be wrong. To stand in the cold waters of not knowing and see that they warm up. Are we as adults willing to do that? We can really surprise and bolster kids by modeling what we don’t know:  “This sounds really interesting, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Can you explain it to me, because… I don’t know.”

Children may look in awe and disbelief. As much as kids (especially teens) think theirparents don’t know anything a.k.a. everything—they are nevertheless shocked to hear that this might actually be the case.

So here we go, village, let’s make the conversation about adversity and failure part of every day use instead of just pulling it out for special occasions. We can start with the simple act of welcoming guesses, wrong answers, not knowing, and messing up by responding with the perspective that we want our children to have: this isn’t a big deal, just learn from it. I foresee a great “I don’t know” revolution. Can you imagine—kids everywhere asking questions and actually finding out information? Acquiring more information, not less standing, and clarifying, understanding, integrating and sharing what they know—and what they don’t know. In every classroom, uncertainty and curiosity being the invisible current that powers our lives.  I don’t know— maybe I’m wrong about this, but I’m sticking my neck out for it anyway.

©Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., 2015.  Author of Freeing Yourself from Anxiety: 4 Simple Steps to Overcome Worry and Create the Life You Want(link is external) and Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Revised and Updated Version:  Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens(link is external)

Previously published on Huffington Post.

CONNECT WITH DR. CHANSKY ON FACEBOOK(link is external) AND TWITTER(link is external). IF YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE, PLEASE SHARE IT!

Security is mostly a superstition!

Gopal Rao
Landmark Forum leader

Our preferences sometimes tend toward comfort, familiarity, safety—but in opting for those we often miss out, even to the point of giving up advancement, intimacy, adventure. We’ll have explanations as to why we hold back, telling ourselves it’s easier to avoid something than it is to deal with what can be imagined, created, or committed to. While those decisions might have the “appearance” of freedom, they limit what’s possible. When we get wrapped up in our circumstances, concerns, we can lose sight of what’s possible, settle for less, and essentially adapt to things as they are. Among the major themes to which literature repeatedly turns—love, loss, identity, ambition—none may be richer and more consuming than regret (regret about some lack of action or initiative, regret that we did or didn’t express something, regret that we didn’t live our lives fully).

When the possibility of power, effectiveness, and freedom arises, there’s a concern we might not be able to live up to the possibility. Lack of confidence and holding back go hand in hand. Creating a breakthrough, stepping out, taking new ground requires disrupting our old conversations. There is no right place to begin, but the pull is there to move what we see or imagine as possible into action. Real power occurs when we know we have something to say about the way things are—that we have a voice—that we have access to the state of affairs beyond just reporting on them.

When we invent ourselves by our saying—we begin an excursion into possibility. In Helen Keller’s words, “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. 

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

The fork in the road can cut like a knife

What did you want to be when you grew up, and what happened to all those dreams you had as a kid or young adult? Some of us went to college, got a degree, found a job and hit the provable  “treadmill of life”.  I call some of these people “the living dead”.   If this is your life, trust me, you’re not alone.

Officebroker.com polled 500 employees, asking them specifically whether they regretted their choice of careers and, if so, how much they regretted it.

Here’s what the research showed:

·    77% of workers admitted to sometimes regretting their career decisions;

·    23% said they never felt any regrets about their career paths;

·    Boredom was the biggest reason respondents gave for regretting their choice of career  35%   percent said they felt bored at work and longed for a more exciting or worthwhile role;

·    Money was the next biggest factor in job regrets — 31% percent said they wished they had     chosen a more lucrative career path;

Some of us, admittedly, just deal with our choices. We have bills to pay.  Although some of us do not have those responsibilities, yet we remain part of the “Living Dead” and hate it. Why is that?

Do we just follow the crowd, or fearful of the unknown? How does one overcome fear and start something new? Perhaps doing something we are passionate about? Honestly, and I’ve always said this, had I known I’d be working in a 10x12 office every working day, I would have become a park ranger….I love the outdoors.

Evaluate your life, take some time this weekend and answer the following questions (before it’s too late!)

1.        Who are you?

2.       What are your passions, what do find fulfilling, what activities do you really enjoy?

3.       How much money do you really want to make, what kind of life to you want to live?

4.       My physical location.  Do you enjoy traffic and cement?

5.       At work, am I challenging myself in some way?

6.       How are my relationships? Who do I need to know? Meet? 

What would your mental life - evaluation look like? Is it time for a check-in of your own? What aspect of your life needs changing?

Five tips to boost your career

Nina Hendy wrote a very good blog on tips for your career in 2014.  My notes are in yellow. Enjoy and good luck! 

1. Decide what makes you happy-Decide WHAT makes you happy.  Where do you want to work? 
What kind of environment, company, location?  
Do you want to work in a 10x12 office or a cubicle the rest of your life?  
Think about that.  You are going to work for a long time, if you enjoy the outdoors, 
perhaps a corporate job isn't for you. 

It might sound simple, but there's no point chasing a career goal that won't actually make you happy.

Be the master of your destiny by first deciding who you actually would take delight in working for, suggests Deborah Blott, business manager of recruitment firm Mondo Search Group. Make a list of companies you would like to work for, then write down why you want to work for them and what you could contribute, she says.

“Many companies have hidden jobs and projects for driven, focused and passionate people, and these jobs are not necessarily advertised,” Blott says.

Look at your connections and who could introduce you to these companies, she adds. “Use social media to find out how you can connect in with people who can recommend you to these companies.”

2. Treat your career like a business- I couldn't agree more. Make a plan, plan your work! 

The only way to get ahead in your career is if you change the way you think about it. You're not in a job, you have a career, and you need to take responsibility for managing it yourself.

Professional career coach Fiona Craig says everyone should treat their career like a business.

Make sure you have a thorough understanding of your strengths and put in place a strategy on how you can use those strengths more often, she says.

“Create a career plan, a personal marketing plan and a networking plan for 2014, just as you would create a business and marketing plan for a business,” Craig says.

3. Build your personal brand - Branding is everything. It's not who you know, it is, who knows you?

To build your career, develop a clear personal brand including who you are, what you bring to a role, how you differ and so on, advocates Key Coaching's Karen Bremner.

So many employees plod along in their job, year after year, she says.

Instead, throw yourself into your work, put your hand up for new projects or better still, initiate them, she says.

Where your strengths meet an employer's needs, there's an opportunity, she says.

“Identify what you're really good at, in and out of work, and focus on how you can leverage those skills and strengths to benefit employers.”

“It's your career and it's up to you to drive it. Don't wait to be picked. Decide where you want to go and then actively seek out new opportunities to both grow your skills and demonstrate your value,” Bremner says.

4. Develop a LinkedIn strategy - You see everyone on LInkedIn, and you can get to them with an email. Be careful not to spam people you do not know. 

LinkedIn is becoming an increasingly powerful tool in recruitment, professional networking and job hunting, which is why you've got to take it seriously. Professional resume writer, Tanaz Byramji says employees need to update their LinkedIn profile at the start of each year. Once you've made sure your profile is as complete and accurate as possible, written succinctly in the first person and incorporating relevant key words associated with your area of expertise, you can start expanding your network, Melbourne-based Byramji says.

Send out personalised connections to people you've worked with over the past 12 months. Also, reach out to co-workers who may have already moved into other roles, she says.

Use LinkedIn to build your professional brand by curating industry-relevant information, posting articles, commenting on blog posts and joining relevant groups, she says.

It's also a good idea to request LinkedIn recommendations, and sometimes the easiest way to do that is to write a recommendation for someone else first, she says.

5. Always look for ways to learn -  Couldn't agree more! Life long learning. Do stop taking classes, learning new software programs, read more books. 

A great way to boost your career is to always look for new ways to learn, recommends Katrena Friel, founder of Activated Life Long Learners. People that learn throughout their career understand the importance of investing in their own knowledge and enjoy the process of learning something new, she says.

The mindset of people who feel they've already completed their schooling only update their skills when they have been retrenched, sacked or miss out on a promotion, she says.

“Some people also only go to training or coaching if their employer pays for it. They would never pay for their own development, thinking it's someone else's responsibility to look after their career.”

Shift your thinking so that you're open to being a lifelong learner, which means you're taking responsibility for your career and being curious about your true capability, she says.

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/small-business/managing/five-tips-to-boost-your-career-this-year-20131211-2z4ne.html#ixzz2r9AKop3S

First Impressions yes, but also work on your Your Last Impressions.

First Impressions yes, but also work on your Your Last Impressions.

They say, first impressions are lasting impressions. Which I believe to be true. 

However, Daniel Kahneman a psychologist who won the Economics Nobel in 2002 for his groundbreaking work in the field of behavioral economics tells us, (as reported in Psychology Today), our memories are very selective.  In particular, no matter how extended an event (party, commercial transaction), we form our view and make our evaluation based—with dramatic skew—on the “most intense moments” and the “final moments.”

This is just one of the many compelling arguments for what I call EEM, or Emotional Experience Management. The “final moments” evidence is particularly startling; it explains why we might attend a brilliant, four-hour dinner party, yet three months later only remember that two guests exchanged heated remarks on the way out the door. (This is not an “illustrative story.” A ton of hard data supports such tales.)

With this in mind, and how it might relate to you if you are a salesmen, looking to network or meet important people that might assist you in your career, other events, jobs, interviews, keeping loyal clients, repeat business and other situations where you want to be remembered positively. 

Sometimes it is how you end, not always how you begin. 

When I was first starting out in commercial real estate, there was a transaction that took me well over 18 months to close. It was a complicated deal with many moving parts including a relocation and the sale of their existing headquarters. The deal could not go forward, until I sold the buildings. When it was all said and done, I completed the transaction to the delight of the client.  Upon exiting the settlement office and saying goodbye to the client, I offered to buy his company, several lunch platters as a “thank you” for his business.  Later that month I had a dozen platters sent to their new offices, and we celebrated in the new space. 

10 years later, when his lease came up for renewal, he called me to have me work on his lease, again.  He asked me, “If we complete another deal together, do we get lunch platters again?”  Ten years later, this is one of the things he remembers? Obviously, if I had not done a good job on his lease, he would of found another broker.   

But the point of the story is, how you exit is sometimes more important than how you begin. A bad exit can ruin a relationship, even though you were flawless throughout, it might not matter. 

Just food for thought!